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February 12, 2012

Step with caution, this is not ‘A New Earth’- it’s possible I may stimulate your ‘sex-body’.

Why did you come here?  To get the inside scoop on the Burlesque?


Or did you come here because you knew Mark Hansen was going to talk about shit nobody else does?  Yeah.  Follow the crumbs and enjoy!

Lets be raw, candid and honest about this experience at Burlesque.  I’m not going to sugar coat my experience for you–I’m sure you’ve got your fill of that.  Are you ready to trip with me—the FF paparazzi?

Let’s walk, let’s talk.

I was planning on going at least a day in advance.

I don’t usually pay attention to dates and things until they pop up.  Kind of like an erection after falling asleep at the end of a meditation.  (bad-um chhh)

In the A.M. before the show, I sent Jennymay a question on FB if non-flash photography was allowed.  She said NO.  So, all I knew was that my eyes would probably bulge out of the back of my head, thinking of all the nicely dressed MUM/town ladies being sexy.  I heard that doors opened at 8 p.m. and show started at 9.

I spotted Jennymay walking into breakfast about 5-10 minutes before 10 a.m.  I went over to her and greeted her with a hug; it’s marginal “winning” every-time I get access to squeezing Jennymay; anyway.  She then nonchalantly goes; “hey, do you mind shooting the video for the performance tonight?” In that moment ALL MY DREAMS came true.  I’m not sure if I blushed, but I didn’t have to think about that one.  There’s one thing about shooting a video; you get to take it into the editing studio.  That means you are a biologist in the lab watching the specimen under the microscope over and over to find the right combination of things.  Something like Burlesque makes that process all the more enjoyable.  Anyway, I gladly accepted and immediately talked to my pal Bill Dyer to be a second cameraman. I was not surprised that he accepted.  I borrowed a third camera from Gabe and gave it to Patrick to shoot.  We had a nice three-point set-up.  I was excited because honestly, I don’t feel like my need for human-sexuality is very fulfilled out here.  Burlesque helped with that, at least release some sexual tension in me—in a non-genital spew-based  sort of way.

I was honestly focused on getting the right footage the entire time and couldn’t really soak up the essence of the performers.

I was definitely impressed by Alexandra Pomeroy when she did her hula-hoop.

I ran into Ryan from Pizza Hut.  Apparently he makes money by helping other people make money on the internet.  He drove delivery for us a few weeks;  but then poof was gone. He said he didn’t like the way it was run.  I haven’t had one problem with it since I started five months ago. It’s Pizza Hut; not a choose your own adventure novel.  Anyway, he was hanging with Osha Luna Love which was nice because it gave me someone else to look at other than making uncomfortable eye contact with Ryan too long.

Mark Hansen is a happy, passionate dude he exudes his happiness to people.  However, this creates a dichotomy because Mark Hansen notices a lot of confused, stray faces.  The death stares are not really a big deal because it’s just life and going through the moments.  I don’t expect people not to embrace me, it’s only a matter of time before we’re hallucinating (while sober) in a huge collective of individuals in a town called Fairfield, IA.  Are we THIS?

Joshua Vostjek was amazing.  He was one of two guys in the performance but as he would put it…A “REAL” man.  Kind of like 100 REAL cheese.  I agree Josh, you are a real man.  You’ve got muscles, tattoos; a perfect head of hair, a sharp wit and great looks. You can dance, juggle like a maniac, create windmills out of popsicle sticks, were in the marine corps, eat cake and not get fat or be sick, and continue to meet beautiful girls.  You are tall and handsome.  Please disappear.

He must’ve had a great time with Sarah Regina because they were getting more than intimate in their dance.  If they didn’t work up some–uh-uh—-then wow; there is some kundalini to be expressed.  Honestly, I asked Sarah how long they worked on that for and her answer was something along the line of two weeks.  Makes sense.  Holy Jesus.  They were touching in ALL-or at least Josh was- of the spots and doing sexy dance that was rather acrobatic.  At one point it almost looked like she was going to get decapitated by the overhead fan.  ”I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that”…

Wow.  I just saw everyone’s ass-cheeks and cleavage basically. I love semi-nudity.  I’ve been getting this urge to just want to take my shirt off in the middle of lunch or class.  It’s that animal inside—  I can’t tell you how the old catch phrase sex sells is so true.  Last night at the Beauty Shop there was not an inch of space to be had as the Burlesque girls totally did their thing.

I bumped into Sascha Kyssa, one of the sexiest men on campus who DJ’s and writes 3,000 plus word articles on things; he smelled of onion, garlic-AND-he got pulled on stage by Mirandah Franke when she was singing her sexy song.  I honestly couldn’t help myself, I had to look over and see the reaction on Jada’s face, because I’m curious about human beings and her bf Jeffrey was there; honestly, I love that guy.  He’s ripped like a freaking Gorilla but super calm and nice.

I bumped into vegan Christine! When I see Christine, I feel jazzed up like Stacy is always excited to see Wayne in “Waynes World.”HEY WAYNE!” “hey Stacey”.  I gave Chrisitne a big hug and boy did she smell good.  It was one of those combinations of pine, and probably one of those animalistic connections where immediately my brain, body and soul are like—-”mmmmmm…Vegan.” Mikey likes it.

Cole was awesome doing some pyschedelic light twirling in the dark.  He pulled off the finale, which was spinning them in this incredible incandescent cirlce. Everyone cheered and wooed.

There’s something that so funny about being human.  People actually acknowledge you as one while you are walking around.  The movement talks about invincibility and it’s something I can seriously relate to.  I walk around and smile at people and people are like…”hey mark what’s up,”- if they know me, or if they don’t they are looking at me like, “who is this guy?”  Clayton Scott Morris was definetly that guy last night.  Him and I kept making eye contact.  It was like the universe was like, okay you and this guy are going to be thrusted into each other’s life today but not actually meet.  You’ll just have bits of prolonged moments of eye contact and whenever you decide to look at him he will be looking at you.  Clayton seemed to be confused by who I was…why was I filming the event?  Who was this Mark Hansen guy?

I’m trying to figure out who this MH guy is too.  Not having much luck.

I bumped into a lot of people and it was fantastic.

Rae Maedor was beautiful in the show and did a performance with Kelli Moonbeam and I was quite impressed by the way they performed.  She had these beautiful red curls that just bounced off her shoulders.  Kelli had long sexy legs and an award winning smile.

I’ll give props to Aaron Adams for doing the lights and just being a sexy vegan.

I just held my space.  I had to move some people back who filled the space next to me.  My ginger Kombucha that I paid $3.50 for (5.00 including tip) got knocked over three times.  It soaked into someones’ hat the first time and then one by one I just heard clank and there it was, lying on its side.  I got a few good sips out of it, Michael Guirveich got one and that’s about it.

There’s nothing like having friends at the right places at the right times.  If anything, a good purpose of being nice to people so you can ask them to do things when you need them.

There was no program bill or anything but it wasn’t needed because Zach Dean was super fresh on the mic as MC.  The guy has got some real skill.  I honestly don’t remember the kid much, except that he was good friends with Mandy, (skinny Artsy girl who’s in Hawaii) and I saw him on campus a handful of times.  Some people get the heck off campus quick.

All in all, the performance was good.  Layla was hot, sultry funny.  And she basically made the whole thing come to life, she did most of the work for the show.  Jennymay was also a supreme knockout.  The crowd was so into it and pulsating with laughter and the tension was quality and thick.

Great job everyone.  Look forward to editing this video and placing it into the FF Burlesque Troupes hands.  Surly you wouldn’t want to miss the next one.

If this seems beautifully articulate but incoherent then thank you, I’ve done my job of regurgitating this stuff in a logical fashion.  By the time you’re reading this, I’ll probably be sitting in church at the First Presbyterian with tears in my eyes shaking hands with fifteen people I’ll never see again in my life who will probably be dead in the next ten years.

I gotta wash all that dirty-sexy poetry off my skin.


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